


Everything

by IAmEos



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Billy Hargrove Is Bad at Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Minor Jonathan Byers/Nancy Wheeler, Past Steve Harrington/Nancy Wheeler, Recreational Drug Use, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-04 08:38:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20468168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmEos/pseuds/IAmEos
Summary: Billy had known this was a bad idea the moment he’d thought of it.-----Steve finds Billy in the midst of a panic attack and, Steve being Steve, helps him through it





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ik this is hella short but i wrote this chapter in like an hour at 11pm and didn't check it so sorry if it's not the best and if there's any mistakes, pls point them out to me
> 
> also this is based on real life bc im nothing if not messy and self destructive lmao

Billy had known this was a bad idea the moment he’d thought of it. But somehow - probably a mixture of Tommy’s consistent pestering and his own self destructive behaviour - he’d agreed.

Neil was out of town for the weekend on a work trip, and Susan had gone with him. Max was staying with one of her dumb friends for the weekend, so Billy had the house all to himself; a fact which he had carelessly let slip to Tommy. So now there were 50 shit faced teenagers at his house, most of whom didn’t even know him, and none of whom gave a single fuck about the state of his house.

Billy stood abruptly as the last of his joint burned out, suddenly feeling too hot and claustrophobic, even though there was probably only five other people in the kitchen. 

_God, I need some air._

He stumbled out of the front door with a cigarette already in his mouth waiting to be lit. Fucking Tommy was throwing up on his front porch, and Billy tried not to think too much about how he would clean that up later.

He kept walking until the music was just a low hum, and sat down in the grass. Billy’s hands were shaking as he tried to light his cigarette, and after a few failed attempts he gave up, tossing it onto the ground next to him. Billy was suddenly aware of his breathing. It was fast and heavy, uncontrolled, yet he still felt out of breath, like not enough air was reaching his lungs. His surroundings seemed so foreign, even his own body didn’t feel like his own. Screwing his eyes shut, Billy tried to collect his thoughts.

_My name is Billy Hargrove._ He opened his eyes.

_I live in the bumfuck town of Hawkins, Indiana._ The grass under his hands was dry and sharp, so he pushed further into it.

_I am wearing the jeans that Kaia bought me._ He thought of California, of smiles and sun and a boy with chocolate brown eyes. Billy could feel his throat tightening and covered his mouth to stifle a sob.

_I can see a van and two cars._ He tried distracting himself but it was too late, the tears were already falling fast. 

Holding his head between his knees, all Billy could sob as he rocked back and forth in an attempt to ground himself to his surroundings.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woo would you look at that i managed to write it in an hour again. it's v short ik butt i hope u enjoy anyway

Steve didn’t even know why he had come to this party. He could hardly say he was friends with Billy, and at this point even Tommy wasn’t really a friend. But then Nancy had looked at him with her big, gleaming eyes and- _God fucking dammit this shouldn’t work anymore, **she broke up with you Steve.**_ But, of course, it had worked and here his was, at Billy Fucking Hargorve’s house. Billy Hargrove who’d beaten him up just months ago for reasons he’ll never understand. Billy Hagrove who’d turned all his old friends against him. Thinking about it, Steve probably wasn’t exactly welcome at his house, though it was so crowded that Billy (hopefully) wouldn’t notice him.

Really Steve should’ve known that Nancy wouldn’t stick around with him the whole night, but he couldn’t help feeling a little bitter as he watched her drunkenly sing along to whatever annoying song was playing, with whatever annoying friend she was with. And then when Jonathon joined her, whispering something to her which made her smile the way Steve used to make her smile, he decided he didn’t want to be here anymore. Steve downed the rest of whatever was in his cup and didn’t bother saying goodbye to Nancy as he pushed towards the door.

Steve almost walked into Tommy throwing up on the front porch as he stepped outside. He wrinkled his nose and Carol gave him a dirty look, he really did not miss these people.

The night air helped to cool his flushed cheeks. Steve took a deep breath and started walking.; it was a clear night, and he could see the stars. The sound of the party was beginning to fade, but there was still a ringing in Steve’s ears to remind him. He tried to focus on the sound of his shoes on the gravel, the feeling of the wind brushing his hair across his face, the sound of his breathing. Which… he had thought was gentle?

Steve stopped and held his breath. That definitely wasn’t his breathing he was hearing. It was fast and uncontrolled. Steve looked around and, sure enough, there was someone sitting on the grass, head between his knees, breathing heavily. It was dark so he couldn’t make out who it was; he approached cautiously.

“Uh, hey,” Steve cleared his throat slightly and knelt down next to him, but not too close, “Are you… ok?” It was a dumb question but he wasn’t sure what else to say.

His head shot up and glassy blue eyes made contact with Steve’s. _Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will be longer i promise. lots of angsty sadness
> 
> pls leave a comment i love reading them :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am apparantly queen of the shortest chapters... very sorry about how short this is, i just felt like that was the right way to end it, ill post the next one soon xx

“The fuck do you want, Harrington,” Billy snarled. Or at least, he tried to snarl; it came out choked and weak.

Steve just stared at him. What on earth was Billy doing crying on the street when there was a party going on at his own house.

“I said **fuck off**, Harrington,” Billy said, a little more forcefully this time.

“No!” Steve said quickly, “I mean… “ He tried to find something to say, “What’s wrong, Billy?”

“Like I’d tell you.” Billy sniffed and looked away. He was twitching just slightly and his breathing wasn’t yet regular.

Steve sighed, “Fine, don’t tell me, but at least let me help you,”

“I’m fine, Harrington,” He pressed his lips together, but the tears fell freely down his face.

“No, you’re not,” Steve rolled his eyes slightly, “Look, ok, just breathe,” Billy snorted but looked back up at Steve, “Come on, with me. In… and out…” This continued for a couple minutes as Billy struggled to control his breathing, “Good, good, you got this! In… and out… and in…” Billy’s eyes were glassy and unfocused as he stared at Steve.

“Right, so, you wanna tell me why you’re out here when all your friends are partying at your house?”

“Shit!” Billy snapped out of his trance, “Oh shit, shit, he’s gonna fucking kill me,” He ran his hands through his hair harshly.

“Who?” Steve frowned.

“My dad, that’s who,” Billy replied bitterly. His hands were shaking in fists on either side of his head.

“Oh… I wouldn’t worry too much, I’m sure he’ll understand, parents never react as badly as you expect them to. I could help you think of an excuse if you want, like…” Steve smirked, “Tommy came over and trashed your house while you were out.”

“No you don’t understand, Steve, he’s going to fucking kill me.” And something in the way Billy looked up at him made Steve stomach churn.

Steve was silent for a minute, chewing his lip and watching as Billy dug his nails into his hands.

“You moved here from California right?” Billy lifted his head a little, “Tell me about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think this fic might turn out to be longer than i expected. originally it was just gna be a oneshot hurt/comfort type thing but i feel like this one scene isnt harringrovey enough, i kinda wanna write ab their interactions after this in skl n stuff. idk we'll see how i feel lmao
> 
> churn is a disgusting word but i didnt know what other word would fit :/


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof im the worst ik.. another short ass chapter   
hope u enjoy anyway lol
> 
> (also a chapter longer than 400 words?? mad. idfk how ppl are writing 6k long chapters bruh)

Billy didn’t speak at first, just stared at a tuft of grass in the ground. He was frowning, thinking, trying to formulate a sentence in his mind that he could translate into speech. Then, softly, “Sunny,” He could see Steve’s somewhat concerned smile out of the corner of his eye, “Happier,” He bit his lip to stop himself full on crying.

“Things were better,” Billy didn’t know why he was still talking, “My dad was less of a dick,” Steve hadn’t asked for a whole life story, “I was less of a dick,” He huffed, “Especially to Max... she was happier too.” He said that last part quieter, and there was remorse in his voice.

Steve put a hand on his arm and Billy flinched away from the touch. Seemingly unfazed, Steve gave a gentle squeeze and began to stroke Billy’s arm, an attempt to soothe him. And… it was working. Billy leaned into the touch, allowing Steve’s gentle fingers to ground him in reality.

“You’re not a dick,” Steve sounded sincere but Billy knew he was lying, “At least not the biggest dick around, Tommy’s ten times worse,” Billy smiled very slightly, then looked back down at the ground.

“It was better wh-” He stopped suddenly, _keep up the barriers, it’s safer that way._ But he looked up at Steve, with his earnest, understanding gaze, and something prompted him to continue, “It was better when my mom was around.” Billy’s voice was tight, “We were a ‘happy family’ back then, I guess,” Chuckling, he rubbed his eyes to hide tears, “God, I’m so fucking hung up on the past.” He said, sharply.

Steve thought for a moment, “I think everyone’s a little hung up on the past,” Billy raised an eyebrow slightly and Steve sighed, “I miss when I was little and my parents were home all the time, when we spent time together. Nowadays I’m lucky if they’re home for more than a week each month.”

“Doesn’t sound half bad to me,” Billy muttered.

Steve shrugged, “I guess some people see it that way, but it gets lonely after a while.”

Billy looked at him with an expression Steve couldn’t quite put his finger on.

“Come on,” after a few minutes of silence Steve realised Billy wasn’t going to say any more, “Let’s go back inside and kick everyone out, I’ll help you clean up,” He offered a hand to help Billy up, which he took, and started walking.

“Steve,” He turned around, “Why are you being so nice to me,” Billy said quietly.

Steve exhaled, _why was he helping Billy, he owed him nothing, less than nothing, even,_ “I guess… because panic attacks suck, and because I know that what helps me is someone to talk to,”  
Billy creased his brow, “Who the fuck said anything about a panic attack? I ain’t no nutcase, Harrington,” His tone had turned bitter.

About to argue, Steve thought better of it, and instead just nodded, “My bad,” He turned back around towards the road, “Also I prefer it when you just call me Steve.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapters are getting longerrrr
> 
> i didnt read over this so im v sorry if theres any mistakes

Once back at the house, Steve scowled at the sight of Tommy on the front porch, still throwing up. Billy’s hands were shoved into the pockets of his jeans, shoulders hunched. He was still standing on the road, frowning at the ground a little, seemingly unwilling to come any closer to the chaos.

Steve stepped towards the open front door, “Alright, party’s over, everyone out,” He shouted. He could see Nancy standing at the bottom of the stairs, one arm clutching Jonathon’s waist and the other barely managing to onto hold a cup of _God knows what._ Steve grimaced.

“Come on, come one!” A few people were looking at him, but no one was moving, “Parents’ll be back soon and you lot better not be here,” At that people stirred, Nancy turned around with a slightly dazed look.

She was suddenly very close to him, “What’s going on Steve?” She pouted, gripping onto Steve to stop herself toppling over, “It’s not even late,” She paused, then giggled, ”... I think,”

Steve stepped back and plucked her hand off his sweater, “It’s late enough. You should get home, you’ve definitely had enough to drink,” He tried not to think about the last time he’d seen Nancy this drunk, “I’m sure Jonathon would be happy to take you home.” Steve tried to smile, failed, and walked away.

“Out, out, out!” Steve yelled as he marched up the stairs, “Come on!” He banged on doors, not wanting to think about the specifics of what people were doing in there, _in someone else’s house._

He circuited the house a few times until he was sure there was no one still inside, all while Billy was still standing in the road, now frowning at the mess in front of the house. Steve approached him, somewhat warily.

“What time your folks back?”

“Tomorrow, like midday I think,”

“Oh,” Steve smiled, “That’s plenty of time to clean up.”

Billy didn’t respond. He looked exhausted. His hair was all messed from running his hands through it, and the bags under his eyes were growing darker by the minute. Slowly, Steve reached up to hold his arm. Still in a bit of a haze, Billy allowed Steve to gently pull him inside.

“I’ll just clean up a bit outside, but we can worry about the rest tomorrow. Where could I find a mop?”

Billy’s eyes were still glassy as he turned to look at Steve, “Uh, cupboard next to the fridge.”

Apparently unable to move himself, Billy again allowed Steve to guide him, this time to sitting on the sofa. Steve rushed into the kitchen, coming out with a mop, bucket of water, and a cup.

“Ok, drink this, I’m just gonna go clean up Tommy’s puke. Don’t… go anywhere; and make sure to drink all of it. I’ll be back in a sec.” He rushed outside.

Billy stared at the glass of water Steve had placed in front of him. He squeezed his eyes shut. _Why was Steve still in his house? Why was he being nice to him? Helping him?_ Billy hated pity, but Steve didn’t seem to be pitying him, it seemed like… genuine kindness. Billy scrunched his nose, that realisation made him uncomfortable, for some reason.

Taking a deep breath, Billy reached a shaky hand towards the cup and took a small sip. He wasn’t thirsty, and felt a little sick about the idea of eating or drinking anything, but Steve had told him to drink it all, so Billy continued taking small sips and tried to ignore the sick feeling in his stomach and dizziness which he knew would soon become a blistering headache.

Steve didn’t take long, and Billy noticed he was sweating just a little when he came back in, “Right, I’ve done the best I can. Your folks shouldn’t notice, hopefully,”

“Thank you,” Billy mumbled quietly, his throat still dry.

“Will you be okay getting to bed? I can-”

“I’ll be fine, I’m not five,” Billy muttered.

Nodding, Steve ignored the sharpness in Billy’s voice, “Right, I’ll just sleep on the couch then, looks comfy enough,”

Billy opened his mouth, “What-,” Then frowned, “...why?”

“...so I can help you clean up tomorrow before your folks get back so you don’t get into trouble.” He said it like it was obvious.

“I don’t want your pity, Harrington-”

“-Steve,”

Billy glared at him, “I can manage just fine on my own,” He spat.

“It’s not pity,” Steve shrugged, “I want to help.” Billy continued to glare at him, “Plus, It’s late and I’m tired and I really can’t be bothered to drive home right now.”

“Whatever,” Billy stood abruptly, a little too abruptly. His vision darkened and Steve’s face became blurry.

“Woah! Are you okay?” He felt Steve’s strong grip on his arms, preventing him from falling on his face. Billy squeezed his eyes shut and opened them to find his vision back to normal.

“I’m fine,” He pulled out of Steve’s grip and stormed up the stairs.

“Ok… well, sleep tight!”

Billy didn’t reply, and slammed his bedroom door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> vitamin D deficiency tings lool
> 
> hope you enjoyed pls leave a comment :)

**Author's Note:**

> i was trying to describe dissociation (bc that shit's hella scary when u dont want it to happen) but idk if i did a good job
> 
> will try to post the next chapter soon


End file.
